One of my blogging friends has been taking heat from her hubby because of all the time she spends online. She sees blogging as essential for creating an online business. Her husband sees it as a time-sucking hobby.
The truth is, blogging creates stress in a lot of relationships. Sometimes it’s because the people we care about don’t understand the concept of blogging and are dismissive of our efforts. Other times, it’s because we put blogging front and center in our lives and push our offline relationships to the side. Regardless of the reasons for the cracks in our relationships, if we don’t make an effort to repair and improve things, the damage will continue to grow until things completely crumble.
Fortunately, there are plenty of ways to heal and grow our relationships, even while we’re growing a blog.
Here are some things that can help:
Make time. Block off chunks of time in your weekly schedule for family and friends. If your schedule is packed with ‘must do’ activities, find ways to include loved ones in activities that are already built into your day, like eating meals, working out, or attending events.
Reach out. Accept responsibility for any distance that’s developed in the relationship and take immediate action to get back on track. (Example: “Ana, I’ve really neglected our friendship these last few months, and I apologize for that. You’re important to me, and I want to spend more time with you. Would you like to have lunch on Wednesday?”).
Focus like a laser beam. Most of us know the importance of using focus in blogging. Now, bring that same focus to your relationships. Be fully present and avoid talking on the phone, text messaging, or getting sucked into any activity that will take your attention off the person you’re with. Show them you’re there for them by maintaining eye contact, complimenting them, and asking questions about their interests.
Speak their language. Most of my friends and family don’t read blogs, are befuddled by the entire concept, and have never even heard of blogging celebrities like Darren Rowse or Leo Babauta. They do understand things like writing articles and marketing products, however, so I’ve started using common terms like these rather than unfamiliar terms like ‘posts’ or ‘social media.’ This one small change has made it easier for the people I care about to feel more comfortable with what I do and talk with me about it.
Tell the truth. Blogging takes time, and much of that time needs to be spent alone to write posts and participate in online activities. Be honest with your loved ones about how much time you need to devote to blogging and how this will cut back on, but not eliminate, your availability. If possible, create a blogging schedule and share it with them so they’ll know what to expect.
Include them. Be on the lookout for creative ways to bridge the gap between blogging and your relationships. Ask your spouse to listen to some headline ideas and pick a favorite. Offer to pay your teenager a dollar for every typo they find on your blog. Have your computer-illiterate aunt visit your site to test out ease of navigation. The more your loved ones can participate in your blogging, the less it will seem like a rival for your time.
Live your values. There will be times that you’ll be tempted to cancel out on your plans with family and friends because something comes up with your blogging. In the end, your actions will show whether you really mean it when you tell your loved ones they’re the most important thing in your world or whether those are merely empty words.
Just like blogging, building a healthy relationship is a marathon and not a sprint. Your relationships won’t travel in a straight line from mediocre to great by next Tuesday. No, you’ll need to practice the twin blogging skills of patience and persistence and enjoy the small steps that make up the journey. And really, that’s what it’s all about–enjoying and sharing our life’s journey, including our love of blogging, with the people we love.
Your turn: Has your love of blogging caused any rifts in your relationships?
Image: Francesco Marino / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
About Jean
i can’t say anything. its just awesome post. Speechless.
Atish recently posted..uRex DVD Ripper Platinum Lifetime Update Licenses For Free
As for me, the aspects we must continue to practice are time management and priorities so we can balance our daily lives with the right attitude towards ourselves and others.
Conversational Agent recently posted..Inteliwise FAQ Agent
And one challenge here is that the priorities continually shift! That’s okay though–it keeps us on our toes.
Jean Sarauer recently posted..Four Critical Components to Your Blog’s Success
I understand. So many people don’t see any type of online work as ‘work.’ I can vouch for the fact that it is, indeed, work.
Jean Saruaer recently posted..Don’t Let Your Blogging Boat Sink!
This has been an on and off again situation for me. The biggest issue I have is that people don’t think what I do is difficult. While it isn’t all that hard, it is time consuming and not everyone can or is equipped to do it. There are many different aspects of this job and it can be overwhelming. They think their jobs are harder and make me fell like they think I have some puff job.
Twitter: weblogbetter
says:
Jean, you definitely stepped on my toes with this one. I think of all of the people who I haven’t talked to in a while and I really hate to admit that it’s because I spend so much time on the computer – or thinking about what I’m going to do on the computer.
I try to take time out in the evenings, but as soon as I remember something, I’m off to the keyboard.
This post definitely offers some advice that I badly need to take.
That’s one of the reasons I had to start taking digital sabbaticals, Keisha. Along with my meltdowns, of course :) Seriously though, I was constantly pushing my loved ones off to the side, poor things!
Jean Saruaer recently posted..Don’t Let Your Blogging Boat Sink!
I think blogging is probably hindering my possibility at a relationship! I honestly would rather be blogging than go on a date. How sick is that? :)
Cheers,
Tia
Tia Peterson recently posted..What the &! To Swear or Not to Swear
Tia, you’d better find another blogger to date :)
Jean Sarauer recently posted..The 5-Minute-a-Day Twitter Strategy
Twitter: weblogbetter
says:
LOL!!
Not sick, at all – I totally understand!
The misconception is that blogging is a hobby, well it’s not. So, it’s important to explain this aspect, apart from awareness blogging can also bring a monthly paycheck.
There are a lot of ‘hobby’ bloggers who truly do just want to blog as a creative or communication outlet. But you’re right, we need to explain how things work if we’re blogging with business intentions. Plus, we need to be truthful that it will take sustained effort over time.
Jean Sarauer recently posted..The 5-Minute-a-Day Twitter Strategy
I like the part where you say,that’s what it’s all about–enjoying and sharing our life’s journey, including our love of blogging, with the people we love. This is so true, We just need to keep the balance with our love ones and our personal lives. Thanks for posting..
You’re welcome, Arlene. It’s a constant practice to bring that balance to our lives and keep making adjustments when needed, but it sure does lead to a richer life.
Jean Sarauer recently posted..The 5-Minute-a-Day Twitter Strategy
Jean – terrific advice. So true. I have only one friend that reads my blog – everyone else is clueless, or couldn’t care less. It does make it hard to have a conversation when someone asks, “What’s new?” And, you have to think of things other than your blog that are new!
Angela Artemis recently posted..The Bold Life asks What’s Your Legacy
Angela Ohhhh I sooo understand!
I have virtually hardly ANY friends who read my blog….it is like pulling teeth to get friends OR family members to read it (what’s up with THAT??!!)
I just came from a retirement luncheon of teachers that my retired teacher husband couldn’t attend because he is an extra in a movie and when I told them I write a “Cat Blog” someone actually LAUGHED….
caren gittleman recently posted..Careers For Your Cat- A Review By Cody
I hoped you arched your back and hissed at them, Caren :)
Jean Sarauer recently posted..The 5-Minute-a-Day Twitter Strategy
good one Jean! :)
I should have!
caren gittleman recently posted..Careers For Your Cat- A Review By Cody
It’s such a challenge when blogging is a huge part of our lives and our offline friends and family don’t get it all. I get a kick out of it when people starting out are depressed because the only people who read their blogs are their family or friends. None of mine would even look at mine when I starated :(
Jean Sarauer recently posted..The 5-Minute-a-Day Twitter Strategy
Hi
Awesome points and revealing about yourself completely in front of user is must to develop trust
Thanks For Sharing
-Abhishek
Abhishek-seekersfind.com recently posted..Top 13 Blogger In The Niche Of Blogging TipsBlog Not Older Than 1 Year
Trust is vital and if we don’t spend time with people, that definitely won’t develop.
Jean Sarauer recently posted..The 5-Minute-a-Day Twitter Strategy
Hi Jean great article! Many people have relationship issues due to the amount of time they spend blogging. These people have to face reality and solve this issue somehow.
Your tips are simply awesome and can be used in almost any situation.
I can imagine like any activity that takes up the majority of your time will be an issue. This can be video gaming, blogging or simply web surfing.
When other party’s in your life start getting affected you need to take a step back and evaluate how to fix the disconnect.
bbrian017 recently posted..Top articles at blog engage week of Aug 30 – Sept 03 2010
Hi Brian. Exactly – if we don’t acknowledge the situation and take some steps towards improving things, we’re really sending a message that we don’t care about the person. It doesn’t mean we have to give up all of our time or goals, by any means, but if want healthy relationships, we have to invest ourselves in them.
Jean Sarauer recently posted..The 5-Minute-a-Day Twitter Strategy
Hi Jean,
My blogging hasn’t caused any big riffs but I know my significant other has attended more than one function without me. She understands but at times becomes frustrated so we talk things out, reassess our goals and move forward.
Needless to say she was overjoyed when I attended a Labor Day cookout with her friends yesterday, and I had a fun time too :)
Thanks for sharing your insight on a little discussed topic.
Ryan Biddulph
Ryan Biddulph recently posted..4 Oversights Which Prevent Readers from Seeing Your Blog
Ryan, I’m glad you gave that special lady full attention yesterday! Things like that go a long way towards helping our loved ones cope with all the time we have to spend shuttered off from them.
Jean Sarauer recently posted..The 5-Minute-a-Day Twitter Strategy
Jean, great post! I think that balance is the key. Obviously blogging takes a significant amount of time and effort, but so does a relationship. Both are very important but you have to figure out your priorities and schedule your time accordingly. I have also seen that some of my family and friends do not understand the time it takes to blog, but once I explained the time and effort involved, they seemed to understand.
Trevor B. Reed recently posted..FeedBurner is Stealing Your CommentLuv Backlinks
Hi Trevor. It always comes back to balance, doesn’t it. I can’t believe how many things hinge on that. Balance coupled with clear, patient communication is a winning strategy.
Jean Sarauer recently posted..The 5-Minute-a-Day Twitter Strategy
The problems is solved as soon as the wife can convice her husband to start blogging as well.
love it Andreas!
caren gittleman recently posted..Careers For Your Cat- A Review By Cody
That would be awesome, Andreas!
Jean Sarauer recently posted..The 5-Minute-a-Day Twitter Strategy
Balance is very important, I like blogging but often I have to reduce time on blogging. I hope someday I could blogging for a living too.
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Hi Peter. Balance is a continual challenge for me too. Not just with the time I spend on blogging, but with all the different activities that make up blogging.
Jean Sarauer recently posted..The 5-Minute-a-Day Twitter Strategy
Good points, Jean.
Just about anything can be a “time-sucking hobby” (do I detect some serious resentment in a statement like that?!). Gardening. Cycling. Reading. Knitting. Painting. Whatever. Even our regular jobs can be “time sucking”–if we allow them to be–to the point that people we love are getting ignored and neglected.
If I were in the position of your friend, I would see if my husband really was feeling neglected–and if I really was ignoring him or spending less time with him–or is he resentful of something else. I mean, criticizing someone’s hobby doesn’t really say what the issue is (I’ve heard of a few husbands who have jealousy issues and suspect the woman is flirting with men online).
But yeah, blogging is time-consuming AND solitary–at least if you grow roses, or something, you can still talk to people while you do it :)
Leah McClellan recently posted..Funeral For a Cat
I think the problem comes in because my friend claims blogging is a business activity, and he just doesn’t see it that way at all. And I get that. We’re used to seeing businesses as buildings with physical products and people coming and going. Not to mention money coming in :)
The solitary aspect is something my husband has had to get used to. It helped because I did medical transcription at home for a couple of years and I’ve done a lot of writing in the past too. The added online element of blogging though with the time needed for Twitter, FB, and other interactions took a bit of explaining though. Now he understands that it’s a true networking thing, just like an ‘after hours’ business gathering at a conference center.
Good communication makes a huge difference, but I guess I don’t need to tell you that :)
Jean Sarauer recently posted..The 5-Minute-a-Day Twitter Strategy
Sometimes I have to wonder about blogging as a business activity, myself lol Just kidding, but it’s not like $$ roll in with every post you write.
I imagine that most spouses would rather their partners network online than at, say, bars! lol Or maybe not. Some non-tech type people seem to have very deep suspicions about “The Internet.”
On re-reading my comment I see I slipped into communication analysis mode :) You get me thinking, Jean! But yeah, talking about everything can make a difference.
Leah McClellan recently posted..Funeral For a Cat
I agree with you McCllan.
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Blogging for a living is funny. Many people just don’t get the amount of time required to do it properly. Luckily, my partner helps me with our sites so she knows that I am not just “messing about on the computer”.
You make a great point about making time for your family and the people that matter. That is very important. I always try to finish by 4pm and do my best not to log-on on Sundays. That works – most of the time!
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Stephen, you are so fortunate to have someone who ‘gets’ the ‘blogging thing’ and to be able to share that. Having times when we’re completely unplugged and available goes a long ways towards people being understanding and/or supportive.
Jean Sarauer recently posted..The 5-Minute-a-Day Twitter Strategy
I can relate so very much to this most important post!!
My husband just retired from teaching this past June and is feeling at times “dismissed” (no pun intended! lol) when I am sometimes short in my replies to his MANY comments and questions (directed at me) while I am on HIS laptop lol.
I do my blogging/social network connecting in theh kitchen (it is the most comfortable place), I am used to blogging in the morning and spend most of the day online (with emails, reading other blogs, networking, etc, etc and did that during his “work day”) but unfortunately since my husband has been home he thinks I am “holding court”.
I explain to him that this is where I am doing my “work”. He also tends to not view blogging as “work” since what I am contributing to our household monetarily through blogging is so little it is next to nothing. (I am aware that laying the groundwork takes time and none of my efforts will be for naught)
I am going to take the time to go and work out with him an hour a day, be less bossy, and try and make him feel more important than what I have been…thanks for bringing a most important issue to our attention!
caren gittleman recently posted..Careers For Your Cat- A Review By Cody
I’ve been in that same place, Caren. My husband works weekend nights so is around the house most of the week. I’ve had to make a conscientious effort to set working hours and honor them. Sometimes that’s hard, but in the long run, the time away from the computer is good not just for our relationship but also for my overall happiness. And ultimately, that makes for better blogging, I think.
Jean Sarauer recently posted..The 5-Minute-a-Day Twitter Strategy
You’re right, Sharbori. I can get drawn into it (and other forms of writing) and lose track of time, what’s going on around me–everything, really! I make myself take time away to keep a balance. Thanks for commenting!
Jean Sarauer recently posted..The 5-Minute-a-Day Twitter Strategy
this is a nice post as it talks about others in our life and not just blogger friends.
I guess blogging can become as passionate a profession as any other profession can be. All other profession like sports, writing, science, painting, acting, etc can also be as time consuming and involved.
sensible suggestions Jean.
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